A British Love Affair

 

I was a nerdy teenager who not only loved movies but the soundtracks that accompanied them. Some of my favorites were Titanic, The Faculty and Twister. Like I said: nerdy. But it was the soundtrack for I Know What You Did Last Summer that would introduce me to a British indie rock band that would open my mind and ignite my soul.

On top of music from Type O Negative, The Offspring and Toad the Wet Sprocket, the soundtrack opened with a cover of Deep Purple’s “Hush”. The band was called Kula Shaker and the song easily became my favorite of the summer. Led by Crispian Mills, son of legendary actress Haley Mills, (who my mom was a HUGE fan of growing up and introduced me to all of her movies when I was little), it was the catchiness and hint of Brit-rock caught my attention but it wasn’t until I bought their debut album K, that I discovered what the band was really all about.

Psychedelic rock all the way immersed in 60s nostalgia intertwined with a magical Raga influence that created a soul-shaking fusion of rock and new age, K rocked my world like no album ever had. With an emphasis on Indian mysticism and instrumentation, the use of the sitar, tambura and table mix combined with wa-wa pedals + heavy guitars shaped a mystical ambiance drenched in Nag Champa. Joyfully optimistic and hopeful, praising the alchemy of life while reminding to have fun and celebrate being alive, this album without a doubt changed my universe.

In the summer of ’99, nearing the two-year mark of my love affair with Kula Shaker, the band announced a small US tour for their sophomore album Peasants, Pigs & Astronauts. My 15-year-old self was elated at the fact they would be stopping in Carrboro, NC at The Cat’s Cradle. At the time, I had only been to big concert arenas, not yet exploring the more intimate club setting. I could not wait to be in the presence of this band and experience their message live. I was counting down the days and X’ing them off my wall calendar as the time grew near. I listened to nothing but K, psyching myself up for what was surely to be a life-altering show.

Out of school for summer break, I remember sleeping in late the day of the show. I woke up especially chipper, knowing nothing could touch my mood: I was going to see Kula Shaker!!! Around 2 in the afternoon, the phone rang. It was mom, calling to ask me if I had heard the news. “What news?” I asked her. Less than 5 hours before the doors were supposed to open, the show had been cancelled.

My heart nearly stopped in my chest.
I had never (and still have never) been so disappointed by the cancellation of ANYTHING. No flashing lights. No drums. No sitar. No Crispian Mills. No life-altering show. NOTHING. I will not admit to the crying that ensued.

And to make matters worse, the band “officially” split up two months later. Thankfully they reformed in 2004, releasing 2 more full-length albums as well as a 15th anniversary edition of K, including unreleased material and a documentary.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago: the band announced the release of their fifth studio album K2.0 and premiered their new song “Infinite Sun”. The guttural shriek of glee I let out is too embarrassing to describe.

Besides the obvious excitement of new music from one of the greatest bands I’ve ever heard, the anticipation of a possible U.S. tour is overwhelming. My fingers are crossed ever so tightly and my heart is all-a-flutter. Make this silly pink-haired gal’s LIFE and get thee to NC: your biggest fan awaits!!!

 

 

Why the $%#@ am I so tired?

 

The past few months have been very strange.
I’ve felt like myself yet…not.

I’m tired.
All of the time. I have no energy or desire to do anything but lay around and sleep as much as possible. My excitement levels aren’t skyrocketing like normal. I’m happy but I’m also sad because a lot of my passion has diminished. My brain feels foggy and it takes a while for me to fully focus on something. It’s annoying, inconvenient and downright depressing.

I’ve had a weird discomfort in my side that I can only describe as a fist under my left rib cage that often radiates down my entire side, low back, pelvis/hips and lately, down my legs. It’s a tight, uncomfortable pull that feels like if I could just stretch enough, I could loosen all those tight muscles. I’m very much into yoga, stretching any spare moment I get yet it’s still there: that tight, uncomfortable pull that is constantly weighing me down. Again, annoying, inconvenient and downright depressing.

This has all been going on for years off and on but the past few months, it hasn’t let up. I hate not having the desire to do much of anything; it feels like someone blew out my candle. Even writing requires too much effort and energy for my little body, turning me into a puddle of moosh.

After the pain in my side continued to radiate around my lower back, keeping me up two nights in a row with my normal dose of Ibuprofen & a heating pad NOT doing the trick, I made emergency appointments with both my general practitioner as well as my girlie doctor. I had my GD check for kidney issues as well as do a pelvic exam for any kind of cysts; everything was normal. He did however listen to the symptoms I described and noticed they often heightened around my “monthly visitor”. He felt my symptoms were a clear sign of endometriosis (a disease that can cause lots of pelvic pain, which was something I’ve had constantly for years) and suggested going back on birth control to help balance out my hormones.

The endo has been affecting my left side, low back, sciatic nerve, hips, pelvis and amazingly enough, the base of my skull, which is tight all the time.

However, it was the result from my GP that was a bit more satisfying. I tested positive for both EBV Ab/EBNA (Epstein Barr nuclear antigen) and EBV Ab/VCA Iga (indicates prior infection).  The diagnosis of Epstein-Barr lit my little brain up like a light-bulb and I began piecing together the weird puzzle that my body has been going through for roughly 6 years.

In the summer of 2009, after a weekend Fourth of July trip, I got red bumps about the size of a quarter down both of my shins that stopped on my ankle. There were four symmetrical marks on each leg that at first, I thought were bug bites. By day two, they were now swollen, bruised, full of fever and tender to the touch.

(this image is not mine but is the closest I could find to what my legs looked like)

At the time, I only had a girlie doc and she couldn’t see me until the next day. On day 3, it hurt to walk. I limped into the doctor’s office where I was told I had Erythema Nodosum, a rare occurrence caused by an allergic reaction to birth control. Instead of doing a blood test to properly diagnose what caused these nodules, I was simply given antibiotics and told to stay off my feet for a week.

After everything that’s been going on with me since then, I now know that the Epstein Barr Virus was the culprit instead of being wrongly diagnosed with having an allergic reaction to my birth control.

The antibiotics cleared up the Erythema Nodosum but I honestly don’t know if they had any affect on the Epstein Barr Virus itself. And once you have the EBV in your system, there it stays. For most people with the virus, it doesn’t cause too many problems later on in life but it’s becoming a much bigger issue in the health field. The virus buries itself in your internal organs, such as the spleen, thyroid or liver, causing these organs to become inflamed or enlarged. This can cause SO many different health problems in SO many different areas and is the main reason why it’s so hard for doctors to really pinpoint why so many people are chronically fatigued. Doctor’s don’t know much about the virus so they tend to either dismiss patients who are chronically tired, achy and lethargic or prescribe pain meds that often cause addictive behavior. It’s not something that should be overlooked when it’s affecting over 95% of American adults.

My symptoms over the years include:
-chronic fatigue
-chronic muscle/joint pain
-enlarged spleen (that fist feeling under my left rib)
-recurrent bacterial infections
-loss of appetite
-lethargy and depression
-super low Vitamin D levels

I am NOT a doctor and am in no way qualified to be one but in my humble opinion, if you have chronic fatigue, experience depression or ANY of the above symptoms, I highly recommend getting an EBV test done. It may be the answer to MANY of your health ailments. It won’t be the key to any kind of mental health issue but knowing if this virus resides in your body is good information to know. 

I’m a habitual researcher who does way too much reading when I’m interested or curious about something. After hours of reading about other people with this little bugger and what has worked for them, I went to my local Vitamin Shoppe. The natural route is the only road that goes somewhere good so I set out to get immune booting supplements that also increased my energy levels, helping me get my groove back so to speak.

The following 5 supplements I got specifically to help attack the EBV, recover the immune system and heal:

Monolaurin: an anti-microbial agent that kills virus and bacterial cells

L-Lysine: lowers EBV load and is a central nervous system anti-inflammatory

B-12: increase energy & strengthen the nervous system

Spirulina (specifically Hawaiian grown): Rebuilds central nervous system

Lemon Balm: Antibacterial, kills EBV cells & strengthens   immune system

I also take Vitamin D, Folic Acid and Vitamin C daily on top of drinking nothing but water and coffee. if I drink alcohol, it will be champagne for a birthday or New Years Eve but other than that, I am a no alcohol girl.

I’ve been on this new supplement regimen for almost 2 weeks and have already noticed improvement. My brain fog has cleared up a bit, I’m more excited about things, I have more energy and that sad feeling is working its way on out. Like I said, I’ve felt like myself over the past few months (ok, years) yet… not. Normally, I’m a very happy, optimistic, excitable person. When I was sitting around doing nothing but feeling tired and sad, I knew something was up. The pain I was in was being caused by an endometriosis flare-up but the chronic tiredness, achy (and LOUDLY popping) joints, etc are due to Sir Barr. Thankfully, I feel quite confident in the knowledge of this information bringing me fully back to my original goofy and AWAKE self. Updates to follow!!!

If you have been diagnosed with EBV or endometriosis, feel free to share your stories below. If you have any questions, I can do my very best to answer them with the bit of knowledge I’ve gained but remember, I ain’t no doctor, yo! And I also was NOT paid to promote any of the above products..

.Afflicted.

I meant to post this earlier but I’ve been a bit busy this past week. But in light of the month of October being upon us, it only seems fitting to write about it now…

One-Eyed Doll‘s concept album, “Witches” is one of THE best concept albums I’ve ever heard. The story behind the Salem witch trials never sounded so good.

Check out my full album review here and then watch the wickedly beautiful video for “Afflicted” below. It’s one of the heavier songs off the album but is a great representation of the album as a whole. I highly recommend checking out “Black in the Rye“, “A Rope for Mary“, “Stillness” and “Witch Hunt“, as well.

And I don’t even have to comment on the babeliness of Kimberly; that just goes without saying.

October is FINALLY here…

I love, love LOVE the month of October. Give me all the horror movies, the haunted houses, the cold weather with the falling leaves and ALL of the coffee coffee coffee! So. Much. Excitement.

I can’t wait to break out the Halloween decorations and stock up on horrible (yet delicious) candy. I’m on a quest to find amazing scary movies I haven’t seen, one being The Orphanage. Does anyone have any other suggestions? What are YOUR favorite horror movies?!

NC Pride in the Rain Outside

Today, I stood out in the rain with one of my best guy friends Dan, amongst hundreds of other people to celebrate NC’s 31st Annual Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual + Transgender Festival. The parade was on Duke University‘s Campus which, despite its paths of mud that my boots kept getting stuck in, is quite lovely.

Once we checked out the variety of vendor tents, we came upon the small group of angry hate throwers that always have to show their mean ol’ faces and we had to get a closer look at their thought-provoking signs. I’ll never understand why anyone wants to waste their energy on proclaiming hate during a time when people come together + are happy. But they were highly outnumbered by the amount of advocates and anytime they tried to preach, their words would be drowned out by positivity from supporters, like the Carolina Rollergirls cheering “SKATE NOT HATE“. There was also a really amazing woman walking back + forth in front of them, yelling about the positive impacts of organizations like Planned Parenthood and The LGBT Center of Raleigh, holding up a jar for donations  You can kind of see her behind backwards hat guy in the photo above. She was loud + proud + awesome. Notice the sign of the cross between Dan and I… yes.

The parade was led by this dazzling pink sheriff’s car which made my pink-loving heart all a-flutter. There were a lot of political figures showing their support and tons of kids with ridiculous energy having an absolute blast. Many of the floats had candy throwers and I got oodles of Sweet-Tarts’ trollopy cousin, Sassy Tarts which totally made me laugh.

There was this magical man dressed as my spirit animal, the glorious hummingbird, which symbolizes the enjoyment of life and lightness of being. This magnificent little bird easily dismisses negativity or bad vibes + is a great reminder to enjoy life’s simple pleasures. I cheered quite loudly for Mr. Humming Bird… he was beyond fabulous!

On top of doggie-related vendors + what looked like a doggie-daycare, there were many a pooch on parade, which made me even happier than I already was. I had to run out and give this guy a quick smooch for his collar was superb and his face was beautiful! His name was Melvin and he smelled like Cheerios.

Even though the weather was quite poopy and the rain couldn’t figure out what it wanted to do, everyone was super happy and in great spirits. It was a really beautiful time and I’m so happy I went, despite the cold I will probably come down with. I ran into an old friend, ate some of the best nachos I’ve ever had EVER from Chubby’s Taco and left with a bag full of condoms, slap bracelets, and Sassy Tarts. Saturday was grande.

Plus, I found Jesus…

Lights, Camera, ACTION!!

Since the mid-eighties, North Carolina has been the location for many a film and TV show, particularity the Wilmington (hello, Wilmywood!) + Asheville areas. Movies like “I Know What You Did Last Summer“, “Empire Records” and the TV show “Dawson’s Creek” were all shot in Wilmington while many scenes from “The Hunger Games” and “Forrest Gump” were filmed in the beautiful mountains of Asheville. Even that iconic lift in “Dirty Dancing” was shot in Lake Lure! 

Which means there are A LOT of opportunities to do work as a background “extra”.

My first experience as an extra was back in 2002. I had just graduated high school and it was the end of summer. My friend, Leann called me about a casting crew that was set up at Crabtree Mall in Raleigh. They were in need of “punk” extras for an upcoming episode of “Dawson’s Creek” that was taking place at a “pretend” No Doubt concert. Not really knowing what to expect, I got dressed, grabbed a couple recent head shots and met her at the mall. We waited in a long line of hopeful teenagers + their parents for about 20 minutes before we were able to leave our photos + contact info. We got calls the next day letting us know the filming time + location, which was later on that very same day at the former RBC Center, now known as the PNC Arena in Raleigh. We were told to come camera ready and to bring as many clothing options as we wanted. Being a somewhat-angsty, goth-rock eighteen-year-old girl who needed to look like she was going to a rock show, I had PLENTY to choose from.

In the clip below (it’s cued up for your viewing pleasure), as Michelle Williams + Jensen Ackles (yes, I was in BOTH of their presence) walk towards the concession stand, you can see me in all my nerdy, somewhat-angsty glory as I walk away from the counter of said concession with 2 other girls. I’m in a red, plaid skirt and fishnets, of course. Also, around the 7:00 mark, as Michelle is using me as her “focal point” (director’s orders, yo!), I walk behind her with my lady friends. See how I totally just happened to look towards the camera? That wasn’t a coincidence. For I am an Absolute. Nerd.

We were on set for nearly 12 hours that day. I arrived at noon and didn’t leave until 11:30 that night. Once I checked in + filled out the appropriate paperwork, I headed upstairs to a huge lobby where about 100 other people were scattered amongst racks of clothes and bags of shoes. After I found Leann, we waited around for about 45 minutes before we were instructed to follow a chick with a walkie-talkie + badge who was obviously important. We were led downstairs to a roped off area where there were dozens of cameras, crew-workers and even more extras. We were placed at a concession stand and told to make small talk while buying popcorn. After about 15 to 20 seconds, we were to exit to our left. Easy, right? It’s something we naturally do whenever we go to a concert or movie. Imagine doing it 11 times in a row in silence while the main actors are ACTUALLY acting behind you. It starts to not feel “natural” at all and is kind of weird. I had to make a constant effort to not laugh each time we walked away from the concession stand.

Once that shot was complete, we were moved to a column and told to wait until the actors passed us before walking behind them. After two takes, the director instructed Michelle to look towards “plaid-skirt blonde” as she walked (we are now best friends). Each time I walked into the frame, I was determined to look towards the camera, to gaurentee an “AHA! There I am!” moment. Like I said: Absolute. Nerd.

****

Fast forward thirteen years later to this past weekend where I once again, got to be a “punk” extra. This time, it was in downtown Wilmington  where I filmed scenes for “London Calling“, the upcoming biopic about The Clash‘s Joe Strummer starring Jonathan Rhys-Meyers (hubba hubba).

My mom actually found the posting on an NC film website and left me a voicemail about it. I looked up the official info and emailed my photo to the casting agent. I didn’t hear back until a few days later but was eventually told to be camera ready at 7pm to film in the streets of downtown Wilmington on Sunday Sept. 20; holding would be at The Hilton Riverside. Well, ALL RIGHT. 🙂 (Thanks Mom!)

After a lovely two hour drive with music blaring + the windows down, I was in Wilmington. Once I got to the hotel, I went upstairs to the DeRosset Room, located on the third floor, where I waited with about 50 other people. We all checked in, signed release forms and got into whatever we planned to wear for filming.
Around 8:00, an assistant came up and took everyone across the street to an alleyway behind a parking deck. He put us in random groups and gave different directions. I was to walk across the street and up the stairs as this beautiful London Black Cab or “hackney carriage” drove down the narrow street, carrying Mr. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers (hubba hubba again).

I also had to run up and down the street a number of times, which was closed off by police cars on either end, their lights flashing. A nice size crowd ended up gathering to watch us “punks” gallivant in the streets. It was pretty wild.

I was in Wilmington all of 3.5 hours before I needed to drive back home but it was pretty much nonstop the entire time. “Should I Stay Or Should I Go“, “London Calling” and “I Fought the Law” were on repeat in the background and are STILL stuck in my head. The whole trip was kind of a blur + went super fast but I met some cool + interesting people, ran around in the streets as cops watched and “filmed a movie“. I think that’s pretty rad for a Sunday night…

Just Friends Bloopers

If you have never seen the movie Just Friends, you must do so immediately. It’s one of Ryan Reynolds finer moments (although his body in the Amityville Horror remake is sinful) but its Ana Farris who steals the show! Her performance alone makes this movie ridiculously funny, especially her toothpaste “bubble” scene. Chris Klein is superb as the dork-turned-stud Dusty Dinkleman (excuse me, Dusty Lee) and Amy Smart is lovable per usual as the perfect girl next door.

If you’re anything like me, you dig blooper reels and seeing people mess up and/or be extremely silly. Even if you’re not familiar with the movie, I guarantee you’ll laugh anyway…

“I’M MAKING GINGERBREAD COOKIES!!!!”

Take A Break, Learn + Have Fun

Hello.
My name is Jenn and I am a self-criticizer.

You know the old saying, ‘you are your own worst critic‘? That fits me perfectly. I am especially hard on myself whenever I start a new venture or take on something different. I judge my thoughts, mock my ideas and roll my eyes at the thought of me doing anything well. I take the fun out of things that I once found enjoyable because I turn them into a “job”. Instead of letting things flow and allowing whatever happens to occur naturally, I start making mental schedules, setting deadlines and try to always ensure a perfect outcome. I beat myself up when things don’t go according to plan or for not having enough time or not spending my time wisely enough or just simply for not being better then I am. It’s an energy-sucking, vicious cycle that has existed all throughout my life (kind of like that comparison void I’ve often found myself in).

However, I’ve gotten better with how I deal when all the ‘crap‘ starts really piling up. I know that when I’m passionate about something, I get excited. My heart rate speeds up, my eyes widen and I smile…a lot. I have fun working on whatever it is I’m doing and the end result is usually quite positive. Thankfully, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned the remedy that I need when things stop being fun + I no longer get excited: I need a break.

I need time to simply relax and let my brain unwind.
To stretch + meditate; to read; to color (yes!), to watch movies…
to be inspired!

(and of course eat a lot of Butterfingers out of the freezer +
cuddle with my dog,Tammy Faye Barker)

I basically do whatever makes me happy and enjoy the little things in life. I make time for work as well as time for my own mental health.

And why not? It’s important to take care of yourself. In fact, it’s absolutely crucial.

I’ve learned that instead of beating ourselves up + critiquing all of our flaws, we need to be our own support system. When you cheer yourself on and take time to find happiness, you get a hell of a lot more accomplished. Instead of thinking ‘I’m a huge loser‘ or  ‘I could have done better‘ and sulking, focus on how much you actually DID and try to learn something for next time. Life is a series of trial + error. Don’t waste energy on the mistakes you make. No one is perfect. Make it all a learning experience and simply have fun. Life is way too short not to.

So get lost in a book or discover a new movie. Find some park swings and hang outside or simply eat some chocolate. Figure out what helps you shift your crap thoughts and start enjoying life a bit more. I promise, it’s totally worth it…

How do YOU take a break and unwind?

Everyday Inspiration

Inspiration + motivation is all around us.

We just have to see it.

This is a simple car ad in a magazine…

“Find who you have not yet become“.

How rad is that?!

Go out and live your life and become the person you want to be!
Do your own thing and find your talents + goals.
Life is what you make it. Make it awesome…

When you start seeing good + positive little things in your everyday life, it will change the way you see the world. When you no longer focus on the negativity in your life and begin taking cues from the teeny tiny signs around you, the world will appear just a little bit brighter. You’ll find yourself smiling more and being genuinely happy. And you definitely have plenty of reasons to smile… just look around you.

Whenever I find a random inspiration, I will share it.
Because who doesn’t love a little dose a motivation, however small it may be?!

And I’d love to see what YOU find! Post your random everyday inspirations below!!

Turtle Love (or something like that)

Girls hit your hallelujah and just TRY to not laugh at this ridiculousness…

“Take On Me” has never sounded better!

Happy happy Friday everyone!!! It’s finally here!!